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  Heart to Heart with Hajara – Series 7: TOGETHER, WE CAN BUILD HEALTHY MARRIAGES We Prepare So Much for the Wedding. But Are We Preparing People for Marriage? Have you ever noticed how much preparation goes into a wedding? Families start planning months ahead. There are clothes to sew, food to arrange, guests to invite, venues to decorate, photographs to take and so many other things to put in place. And honestly, there is nothing wrong with that. A wedding is a beautiful occasion. It is a day families look forward to and celebrate. But sometimes, I find myself asking: While we are preparing so much for the wedding, are we preparing the people for the marriage? Because the wedding is one day. Marriage is the life that comes after that day. And this conversation is not only for the bride and groom. It is for all of us. For the parents. For the older brothers and sisters. For the aunties and uncles. For the guardians. For the friends who may know the couple better than anyone else. ...

Heart to Heart with Hajara – Series 6: Together, We Can Build Healthy Marriages “I’m Just Managing.” Is That Really What Marriage Is All About These Days? It's like everybody is now managing in marriage because I hear people say this quite often: “Hajiya, I am just managing oh.” “I am only staying because of the children.” “At this point, I have accepted my fate.” “He is never going to change.” Or… “She is never going to change.” Both men and women are complaining. They are still married. They are still living together. In some cases, they are still doing what couples do behind closed doors. They are still intimate. While in some cases, they live like roommates. But deep down, they are tired. Very tired. They are no longer trying to make the marriage better. They are simply trying to survive it. Some even go into open marriages where each party does as they wish. But then I ask again: Is that what a healthy marriage is supposed to be? Is this what people actually signed up for? Yes...

Heart to Heart with Hajara – Series 5: Together, We Can Build Healthy Marriages Are You Still Married, or Are You Just Living Together? Have you ever looked at your marriage and quietly asked yourself: “When did we become like this?” Or: “How did things get to this?” Because you live in the same house. You sleep in the same room. You eat together, take care of the children, pay bills and attend family functions together. But somehow, something is missing. Because you don't really talk anymore. And when you do talk, it is mostly about the children, money, food, work or just something that needs to be done. You no longer ask, “How was your day?” You no longer tell each other what is going on in your lives. You may even be going through difficult things and prefer to tell your friends, siblings or someone else rather than your own spouse. From what I have seen as a counsellor, this happens in more marriages than we like to admit. And the scary part is that sometimes, there is no big f...

There comes a time when silence becomes complicity.  In Zone A and across Niger State, we are watching a script play out. A script filled with whispers, conflicting stories, and deliberate confusion. Some people believe politics is about testing waters in secret, sponsoring narratives, and using faceless accounts to throw stones. They believe you can chase two offices at once, deny it in public, and still expect the people to take you seriously. That is not leadership. That is desperation. If Muhammad Mamman Nami wants to contest for Governor, he should say so.   If Peter Ndalikali Jiya wants to contest for Zone A Senate, he should say so. Come out. Stand before the people. Defend your ideas. Let your record speak.  But what we are seeing now is different. It is a game of shadows. One day senate, next day governor. One group pushing one story, another group pushing another. All while trying to paint others as the problem. APC and Farmer Governor Umaru Bago are focuse...

Heart to Heart with Hajara – Series 4: “My Partner Doesn’t Listen to Me.” But Have You Really Talked to Each Other Openly and Honestly? One thing I hear quite often in counselling is: “My husband doesn't listen to me.” “He does not even care about me.” “He does not protect me from his family.” “He cheats…” And from men, I hear: “My wife doesn't understand me.” “She is troublesome.” “Stubborn.” “No empathy.” “Disrespectful…” Ba ta jin magana. (in Hausa) Wun de tosaya. (in Nupe) You see, women complain. Men complain too. Sometimes, both people are actually unhappy, but each person is so focused on how badly the other person is treating them that neither stops to ask, “What are we both doing wrong?” Most times, both parties believe they are right and blame the other without reflecting on themselves. From what I have seen as a counsellor, sometimes the problem is not that there is no love. The problem is that both people are speaking, but neither is really listening. A wife can say...

My people of Bida, Gbako and Katcha, let’s talk honestly. Yes, people are criticizing. Some are asking: “Where are the hospitals? The roads? The schools?” Others are counting the 370 motorcycles SMA distributed and asking why ₦370 million plus went to bikes instead of completing the abandoned hospital in Gbako/Katcha.   “Bikes fade. Hospitals heal,” they say. And I hear them. But let’s also be fair with facts. A Federal Representative’s job is different from what many people think. SMA’s seat is in Abuja. He goes there to make laws, speak for us at the national level, and fight to bring federal attention, funding, and opportunities back home to Bida, Gbako and Katcha.   The boreholes in your area, the grading of roads in your ward, the streetlights on your street — that responsibility lies with the Local Government and your Councilors who are closer to the ground.   Think of government like a house. The Rep helps design the plan and brings the materials. Th...